Yet again.  Seriously.

I got my lab  result and although the creatinine-protein ratio has improved  to 2.84 (which is still high, should be less than 1), I am still on edematous state.

My cholesterol level spiked at 400+ since I stopped taking in Crestor.

I took the liberty of getting urinalysis as I noticed that my urine is getting reddish plus  the fact that I have had fever in the past couple of days.  The tst revealed that I indeed have hematuria or blood in the urine and lots of bacteria too.

The doctor simply asked me how long  have  I been on therapy, I said about four months.  He just scribbled the same prescription as last month adding Crestor 10 mg (the previous dose before it was raised to 20 mg) to the list of medications.  I asked what he will do about the hematuria, he said that it’s a sign that I am on exacerbation and that I just need to take a rest.

He recommended a bed rest for the next 2 to 3 days.  Which I have requested by the way.

I don’t know but every time I come into his clinic, my mind always gets lost that I always forget to ask important things.  Is it because I could sense  that he’s always in a hurry? Or is it just me? I have been told by my friend, and as a nurse I should know, that it is my right to ask since I am paying for the consult.

Well, he asked me if I am experiencing pyuria (difficulty urinating). I said no, except that  I feel my urine is quite acidic that I need to wash after I urinated. He also asked if I have had fever, I said I had for two days but it went away immediately after taking paracetamol. He did not say anything.

My fear is that, I am close to finishing my treatment but I do not see any signs of light at the end of the tunnel.  Does this mean that I have to submit myself to chemo therapy in two months?

I am really scared.

God please help  me.

It was our second day of return demonstration and I came straight from my graveyard shift at work.  I managed to brush through my notes before punching at LCP.

Yesterday’s demo went well. The preceptor was cool and he even laughed at my mistakes. I am really not good at speaking in front of people (maybe I am cursed to speak with people just over the phone).

Today is another day. I took the number one tab just to get it over with  immediately so I could go straight home to rest. I was clueless that there’s a rear hole waiting for me down the demo hall.

Admittedly, I screwed up at some  steps in performing  tracheostomy care but for whatever that is worth, I do not deserve to be yelled at.  We are all professionals.  The reason I or we are there is to gain knowledge. This is not a collegiate school where it is okay to be howlered.

I paid up freaking six grand plus the uniform not to be humiliated in front of  other students and preceptors. I was really close to crying  and telling him that it is his job to teach me what is the right thing  to do. I bet that he did worse when he was a trainee like me.

I want to stab him in the neck so that he could be intubated then I could perform tracheostomy care on him.

I just kept mum about it.  It is not a dog-eat-dog system.  I am scared that I would blow up my chance of getting a slot there. I had and have to be nice.

Lesson learned.  Practice no maleficence and bring  lots of patience.

After three years of graduating from nursing school, I  am back to school or class, as you can appropriately call it.

Today is the beginning of my three-month training program at the Lung Center of te Philippines.

I am really excited to meet young and old faces. Some are newly graduates some have just graduated from nursing as their second course.

I have learned on the orientation that the top ten trainees would get a chance be lined up for manpower  pooling at the LCP. Well, with 121 students who are I think very much willing to kill just to get a job there, good luck on my quest!

Tomorrow’s the start of my three month Basic Skills Training (BST) program at the Lung Center of the Philippines (LCP).

Excitement has over shadowed my fear (if I could pull it through) until today.

I found out that the shop where I had my prescribed shirts altered is closed on a Sunday.  Actually, I do not know if it was my fault. The tailor has asked me to come by the shop at 9:00 p.m. last night to pick up one of the three shirts. I took a raincheck out of annoyance and exasperation.

I was kind of pissed with him because he promised that they (the shirts) will be done by June 12th but when I dropped by to claim, he said that he’s not yet done with them and just told me that it will be done on Saturday.

Saturday came, I dropped by at past 6:00 p.m. before going to church and he told me in a very annoying manner that Saturday has not yet passed and to top it all, he said that he could only finish one shirt. I snapped back but he immediately defended that I not gonna use them all at once and I have to check if the altered one would fit me well. Aaargh! I want to make him a stew beef!

So here I am, trying to contain my anxiety and hoping that his ship would open at 7:00 a.m.

This is just frustrating.

Couple it with pouring rain outside.

This day is so perfect.

This week is the opening of classes for public schools ad the weather is really crazy.

There’s intermittent hard rain and strong wind and today was no exception.

After six sessions  of physical rehab, I  was bound for a follow up check up with my doctor. To make sure that I will not be wasting my time, I phoned  her clinic before 1 p.m. and  was able too confirm that she will be holding her clinic today  in the midst of  the rowdy weather.

I was fifth on the list.

Since I know that she will not show up on time, I decided to  swing by the Lung Center to claim myy Bsic Skills Training (BST) shirts.

My BST training at LCP will start on June 15 an I am really anxious.

I arrived at St. Luke’s around 2:30 p.m.  and I went straight to rehab  department to  get my  progress report.  I reached the doctor’s clinic before 3 p.m. and the doctor was still checking on patient number three!

So I had my turn after 20  minutes and the doctor asked why I was wearing a mask. So I told her that I am on immunosuppressant and I am seeing a nephrologist.

She asked me why I did not tell her about it during my first check up. I told her that I was so tired waiting for  her and she seemed to be in a hurry then that it slipped my  mind.

She was concerned about me taking the pain killer (Myonal) as it is nephrotoxic (would harm my  kidneys). I told her I did not take it.

After some physical exam, she told me that the spasm is so minimal but I have to continue with my rehab  and she ordered for another six sessions.

As I have mentioned, the weather was crazy and as I went out of the doctor’s clinic, the sky was dark so I decided to go home straight.

Darn, I forgot to swing by the rehab dept to  request for a rehab sked on Saturday!

I phoned St.  Luke’s and I was told that I need to go there personally for the sked unless I want to have the six sessions with  my former PT.

I want another therapist. So I will just drop by tomorrow.

What I like about my doctor is that he almost always come on time.

I arrived at St. Luke’s around 9:30.

I handed out my lab results to the secretary and did not ask if he was already there.  I sat in the hall.  A few minutes had past and the secretary called me  into the doctor’s office.

While I was glad that I did not have to wait long for my doctor to see me, I was not quite pleased with the lab result or the way the consultation has went .  Although the protein creatinine ratio has improved, it is still high plus by cholesterol level is at 291.

I am already on medication for three months and no dramatic changes or signs of improvement I can see.

I just feel stupid not to ask my doctor the things that have been bugging  me.

I know it is my right to know my chances of getting well or if I will ever be getting well.  I just can sense that he is not willing to or capable of  answering my questions.

There is something in me that tells me he has not handled the same case as mine before.

I have to pop the questions to him next time.

Oh btw, he has increased my dose of Crestor to 20 mg.

I need to get to work.