After my duty at the LCP, I went straight to UST for the perimetry and IOP exams.
I arrived before 9:00 a.m.
Maybe I was really grumpy due to the lack of sleep and because I have waited for more than one hour already. I was no longer in the conversation mood. I barely answered the questions of the guard, the receptionist, the optometrist/ophthalmologist (who I think was just an intern so for the lack of a better word I will just call her the doctor) and the technicians in the exam room.
I was taken aback when the doctor called my name in shouting manner. There’s a difference between calling out loud and howling. I thought to myself, am I in a public hospital? The last time I checked, UST is a private hospital and I was there as a paying patient through company insurance. I knew, the experience will not be nice.
I showed her who the boss is. I threw my bag on the floor, then she began speaking softly and acting politely. I never intended to get a red carpet treatment; I just wanted to be treated nicely.
After the refractory exam, I was then again asked to wait in the hallway in eternity.
Alas, my name was called again. I was asked to go inside a darkroom along with an elderly woman who I guess will be having the same exam like mine.
I feel awkward as the examiners referred to us on first name basis and we were being instructed as if we were idiots. The lady examiner even pointed out to the elderly that it was her eighth time already and by that time she should have mastered the exam.
I was thinking, if she has mastered it, then she should have not reached the eighth trial. The lady is a dud!
While having my perimetry exam an employee went in and talked to the examiner about his personal issues. Then the other man concerned went in and they had an altercation. I think they have noticed that they are already drawing attention to themselves and causing distraction among those having perimetry exam so they have decided to take it outside. Which I hoped had happened.
The exam took about 20 minutes for each eye but I had to redo the exam on my left eye because according to the lady, I was missing flashes or I had clicked on occasions when there were no flashes. On the third attempt, I simply told her, maybe because I am not actually seeing those lights or maybe I am seeing lights when I am not supposed to see them. Arrogantly, she told me that it does not go that way.
If I was in my fighting mood, I would have snapped so I just took the exam again and decided to get it over with.
After the tedious and sleep inducing exam, I was again asked to wait outside.
After about fifteen minutes, the doctor called me again in the same manner. I let her shout at the top of her lungs and make her look like an idiot before I stood up.
She asked me to sit down in the exam room and dropped some fluid in my eyes. She took my intraocular pressure. It only took a few seconds. Then she asked me that we’re done. I asked if I could have some tissue, she just pointed the same gauze that she used wiping my eyes after she instilled the solution in my eyes.
Finally, I got the result.
Seriously, I will not ever go back to this hospital.

My rotation in the ward for my BST at the LCP has started last Monday and although sleep has been elusive, I still feel the adrenalin rush through my vein.

It is like I am an energizer bunny.

My feet are still swollen and although this signals me to follow the red light, I have no intentions of taking leave of absence. Although we are allowed to have 6 absences for the entire training period, I feel that it is just proper to maximize my training fee by taking the opportunity to be in the ward and learn new things about bedside care.

Aside from the bedside care, we are expected to perform admission and discharge procedures and to carry out doctor’s orders. If you want to excel in something you must not stop at just learning the 411 but you have to progressively learn the craft.

While I feel so pumped up in my training days, there are instances that sadness sucks the joy in my highly cholesteroled heart.

After every endorsement and rounds, I usually review the patient’s chart to check on the diagnosis, doctor’s progress notes, medications and everything I could wrap my mind around.

Last night, I managed only two patients.  One has so many medications needed to be given at certain intervals. The other has just prn (pro re nata) or as needed medications.  It was for pain.

The doctors made their rounds so I was not able to scan the charts of my patients.

At past 6:00 pm, I was asked byh the charge nurse to assist the attending – a n oncologist in medicating my patient (who only has prn med).  He was given Etoposide – a chemotherapy drug.

After regulating the drug, I looked for the patient’s chart and found out that he has bronchogenic cancer with non small cancer cells.  The cancer has metastatized in his brain.

He is undergoing 6 -cycle chemotherapy.  I was really surprised because he looked healthy, not experiencing alopecia and he kept on playing tricks on me every time I entered his room.

I am imagining, If were in his bed, would I still be the same bubbly person that I used to be? Chemo is a very scary and horrible experience based on people who have undergone it.

I know that as a medical practitioner, emotion should not get in the way of my profession.  I was supposed to handle three patients that day but my third patient who has a DNR order expired. It is sad when you are in the room with the relatives to witness the doctor to pronounce the patient dead.

Every training day is a tiring and edematous day but at the end of the day, I do not feel exhausted.

This is what I wanted to do. Screw the odds, Death is not an option.

All I need now is my Trodat so that my hands will be spared from scribbling my complete name and license number on each page of the patient’s chart.

I have got my scrub suits from the LCP.  I was the last one to claim them noting that the start of immersion in the ward is today.  It is actually my off today and my duty will start tomorrow.

I was really apprehensive in continuing my training program but my strong desire to do what I want is undeniably palpable.

For now, I will take things as they are without disregard to my passion.

I can’t help but smile seeing my name embroidered on the scrub suits with R.N.  at the end of it.

It was our second day of return demonstration and I came straight from my graveyard shift at work.  I managed to brush through my notes before punching at LCP.

Yesterday’s demo went well. The preceptor was cool and he even laughed at my mistakes. I am really not good at speaking in front of people (maybe I am cursed to speak with people just over the phone).

Today is another day. I took the number one tab just to get it over with  immediately so I could go straight home to rest. I was clueless that there’s a rear hole waiting for me down the demo hall.

Admittedly, I screwed up at some  steps in performing  tracheostomy care but for whatever that is worth, I do not deserve to be yelled at.  We are all professionals.  The reason I or we are there is to gain knowledge. This is not a collegiate school where it is okay to be howlered.

I paid up freaking six grand plus the uniform not to be humiliated in front of  other students and preceptors. I was really close to crying  and telling him that it is his job to teach me what is the right thing  to do. I bet that he did worse when he was a trainee like me.

I want to stab him in the neck so that he could be intubated then I could perform tracheostomy care on him.

I just kept mum about it.  It is not a dog-eat-dog system.  I am scared that I would blow up my chance of getting a slot there. I had and have to be nice.

Lesson learned.  Practice no maleficence and bring  lots of patience.

After three years of graduating from nursing school, I  am back to school or class, as you can appropriately call it.

Today is the beginning of my three-month training program at the Lung Center of te Philippines.

I am really excited to meet young and old faces. Some are newly graduates some have just graduated from nursing as their second course.

I have learned on the orientation that the top ten trainees would get a chance be lined up for manpower  pooling at the LCP. Well, with 121 students who are I think very much willing to kill just to get a job there, good luck on my quest!

Tomorrow’s the start of my three month Basic Skills Training (BST) program at the Lung Center of the Philippines (LCP).

Excitement has over shadowed my fear (if I could pull it through) until today.

I found out that the shop where I had my prescribed shirts altered is closed on a Sunday.  Actually, I do not know if it was my fault. The tailor has asked me to come by the shop at 9:00 p.m. last night to pick up one of the three shirts. I took a raincheck out of annoyance and exasperation.

I was kind of pissed with him because he promised that they (the shirts) will be done by June 12th but when I dropped by to claim, he said that he’s not yet done with them and just told me that it will be done on Saturday.

Saturday came, I dropped by at past 6:00 p.m. before going to church and he told me in a very annoying manner that Saturday has not yet passed and to top it all, he said that he could only finish one shirt. I snapped back but he immediately defended that I not gonna use them all at once and I have to check if the altered one would fit me well. Aaargh! I want to make him a stew beef!

So here I am, trying to contain my anxiety and hoping that his ship would open at 7:00 a.m.

This is just frustrating.

Couple it with pouring rain outside.

This day is so perfect.

This week is the opening of classes for public schools ad the weather is really crazy.

There’s intermittent hard rain and strong wind and today was no exception.

After six sessions  of physical rehab, I  was bound for a follow up check up with my doctor. To make sure that I will not be wasting my time, I phoned  her clinic before 1 p.m. and  was able too confirm that she will be holding her clinic today  in the midst of  the rowdy weather.

I was fifth on the list.

Since I know that she will not show up on time, I decided to  swing by the Lung Center to claim myy Bsic Skills Training (BST) shirts.

My BST training at LCP will start on June 15 an I am really anxious.

I arrived at St. Luke’s around 2:30 p.m.  and I went straight to rehab  department to  get my  progress report.  I reached the doctor’s clinic before 3 p.m. and the doctor was still checking on patient number three!

So I had my turn after 20  minutes and the doctor asked why I was wearing a mask. So I told her that I am on immunosuppressant and I am seeing a nephrologist.

She asked me why I did not tell her about it during my first check up. I told her that I was so tired waiting for  her and she seemed to be in a hurry then that it slipped my  mind.

She was concerned about me taking the pain killer (Myonal) as it is nephrotoxic (would harm my  kidneys). I told her I did not take it.

After some physical exam, she told me that the spasm is so minimal but I have to continue with my rehab  and she ordered for another six sessions.

As I have mentioned, the weather was crazy and as I went out of the doctor’s clinic, the sky was dark so I decided to go home straight.

Darn, I forgot to swing by the rehab dept to  request for a rehab sked on Saturday!

I phoned St.  Luke’s and I was told that I need to go there personally for the sked unless I want to have the six sessions with  my former PT.

I want another therapist. So I will just drop by tomorrow.

It’s 12:00 am. I am here in the office fulfilling the last graveyard duty for the week’s schedule. I will be out at 6:00 a.m., Monday. It’s marked as my rest day and soon Tuesday I am scheduled to report for work at 1:00 p.m.

I don’t want to complaint about the sked. In fact, I should be thankful to have a decent job amidst the global recession.

I don’t want to but my body is manifesting rebellion. It blows the whistle for me to stop.

I feel a bit fussy. I want to take a nap, but I cannot go to the decompression room to lie down. I am scared. Seriously, 12:00 midnight is the scariest time of the day for me. I am trying to snatch a nap here in my post but I feel uncomfortable.

I do not know who to blame for catching an autoimmune disease like this.

When medicine cannot seem to explain the cause of a disease, which they call idiopathic, they blame it on stress.

I think I am to blame primarily if this is stress related. I have decided to live a stressful life sticking it out here in call center for the past 9 years. I was not contented with the stress that the schedule and type of work bring I decided to take up nursing full time for three years.

If the illness is not stress related, maybe it is a punishment from God for being a disrespectful daughter.

All my life I have been blaming my father (in my mind) for not having an ideal family or a life that is generally well off.

My training at LCP will start on June 15 and I cannot quit my job as yet, as much as I want to. I need my job to pay for the house mortgage.

I feel awful.

Since our team has been merged to another team, we are now manning  the hotline 24 hours.

Unfortunately or fortunately, I am on graveyard shit this week.

Usually, I am off to bed at 10:00 p.m. but being on a graveyard shift, it means I have to turn my sleeping habit a complete 360 degrees.

I  was up at 10:00 a.m. and I tried my hardest to  go back to sleep but I failed. So I snapped out of the bed and decided to run errands.

I went to LCP to pay for the training  fee and as I feel that I  want to doze off,  I grab bed myself an iced coffee. I went straight to the office to leave my stuff before I headed to  the gym.

It is now my one hour break or the lunch break. Having dinner at 12:00 midnight. Very weird.

I do not feel sleepy, as yet, but it really feels weird to be up until  this time and until 6:00 a.m.

Way to go!

I have mentioned earlier here that I  have my xray and PPD test at LCP and today was the scheduled reading of the PPD  test 4 p.m.

I went to LCP during my lunch break at 1:30 p.m. and  I was able to convince the nurse to read the PPD aleady.  I had the fear that it will be read positive because since yesterday it was all red and swelling.  I even  consulted our company doctor about it and she confirmed that it was indeed positive.  However, she assured my that positive PPD reading does not mean that person is infected  with TB.  It is common in third world countries. She might have been exposed to the infection and no once can tell from whom she got the exposure.

Anyhow, the chest x-ray was clear and I have confirmed it with the LCP radiologist.

I was told by our company doctor that to confirm TB disease, apart from the signs and symptoms, a sputum exam should be made.

First off,  I cannot produce the sputum because I do not have any. I do not have a cough.

Going back to LCP, the nurse measured the wheal and it read 23 mm.  She just asked me if I am with a friend or a relative who has TB. I said I not that I know of.

She handed me the result and I proceeded to nursing training office. There I was given the order form….to pay for the traning.  Hurray!

Since I ran out of cash and time, I told the lady that I will be back on Monday to pay.

Scot free!.