My prayer has been answered. My resignation was signed by my manager before he left at around 9 p.m. last night right after the chaos in the office has been resolved.
It is my last scheduled rest day today and usually, I am up and about running errands during my off. This time was different. I stayed in bed the whole day as if there was no tomorrow. I slept like a baby.
I feel worry free about where by big decision in life would bring me. There were things that need to be considered before I tendered my resignation and it is mostly financially. But these never crossed my mind when I made my decision. I prayed and I have longed for this day to happen. For all its worth, I am really happy and I do not worry about my future because I asked God to guide me all way through it.
I thank Him for giving me the chance to breakaway.

It was exactly 2:00 pm. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it would come out of my chest. I almost choked every pulse this hollow muscle gave. I fidgeted when the lady on the other line spoke but it seemed I was defibrillated hearing from her that he has not made his decision yet and that I should call back on Monday.
Aaarghh! I know he is busy but is it really hard to choose?
I hate the feeling of being uncertain. I am uncertain if he would let me in to or just kick me out of his world.
As I want to put closure to this big chapter of my life, for the innermost desire of my heart, I have to make that call again on Monday. I have stopped taking in propanolol for almost three years already and I think I would need to pop another one before I dial his number again.
I’m gonna lose it. I am praying that he would still say yes to me.
Lord please help me. You are my only hope. You know how long I have waited for this, how I have desired to be with him.

For the third time, I have met up with the person I have been wanting to speak with since 2007. Sadly, the conversation did not do well. I do not think I left a good impression. I feel so stupid and I have no one to blame but me. Lack of sleep, hunger and nervousness has gotten into me resulting in a screwed up exhange of words.
He has to think things through and I was asked to call him tomorrow at 2:00 pm. I am hoping then that I will not be hearing the line: I am sorry, it is over.
I wish I could undo things. Where is life’s rewind button?